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 Herpes-A True Story 

I thought you had to be pretty stupid to get an STD. That you either had to have unprotected sex with strangers or use drugs with dirty needles. But 1 in 5 people have an STD in the United States and the CDC says that roughly 25% of people in the U.S. have herpes.

My boyfriend and I had previously practiced unprotected sex, partly because I was too shy and passive to say otherwise. Also, he had had very little sexual experience, so I assumed he would be clean. However, I did insist we use condoms when I wasn’t using birth control for one week of each month.  We lived in different cities and after a weekend together (using a condom), I developed flu-like symptoms. I was running a fever and had lower back and abdominal pain. I spoke to my mother who said the back and abdominal pain could be a urinary tract infection. I said, “It’s funny that you say that because my right labia hurts.”

I examined myself and there was a lump, so I reported back to my mother. She mentioned it could be herpes, so I looked up pictures of herpes and my lump looked nothing like the grotesque zits that I found on the internet. Then as the day went on, it became painful to urinate and to walk. I looked again, and the lump had changed into what looked like a milder case of the pictures.

I called my mother again in a panic saying that I thought it was herpes. I told her that I had protected sex that weekend, but she asked if I had the previous time I had visited my boyfriend. It had been about twenty days since I had unprotected sex, and most websites indicated that symptoms of herpes in the first outbreak will occur 2 to 14 days after exposure. I found a few that said it could be up to 26 days.

The next step was to call my boyfriend. I had to tell him that even with his minimal sexual experience I thought he had given me herpes. I knew he was going to suspect me of cheating and my mother warned me that he would deny it. He did both, but was still fairly sweet. He kept saying that it could not be him. I asked if he had ever had anything on his penis or on his mouth that was unusual. He replied that he had gotten fever blisters before. I told him that fever blisters are herpes. He responded with, “Well yeah, but it’s not the contagious kind.” I quickly corrected him with the proper information, as I had done extensive online research on the subject.

I made an emergency appointment with a gynecologist and he did a swab of the labia. He told me to get a blood test to check for syphilis and HIV and the results of this culture wouldn’t come back for two weeks. He prescribed me a tube the size of my thumb to apply every six hours.

A few days later, I went to my primary care doctor to get a blood test for syphilis, HIV, and HSV I and HSV II. Those results came back in 3 days with negatives for each disease. The doctor explained that it takes several weeks for herpes antibodies to appear in the blood . I begged him to prescribe Acyclovir and after taking it for two days, the pain went away.

My boyfriend also got a blood test. He went to a clinic where he could remain anonymous because he did not want the verdict to affect his opportunities for getting insurance. He paid almost $100 for a simple herpes blood test. The test came back positive for HSV I which is generally the less severe, oral type. When he called to tell me the results, he said he had the kind that wasn’t bad and believed he did not give it to me.

Just a few months earlier at a routine check-up, I tested negative for HSVI and HSVII (while still dating the same guy). I was becoming angry with my boyfriend for not believing that he was the one, for not taking responsibility. Eventually, he said that he realized it was a very real possibility that he had given it to me and was very, very sorry.

Finally, after a painstakingly long two weeks, my culture came back positive for Herpes Simplex Virus I, the same as my boyfriend. The weekend we had protected sex, we had unprotected oral sex. I had not noticed a fever blister or any blemish on his face then or at any point in the relationship. I never thought that oral sex would be the culprit for me getting any STD. I could understand that I could get oral herpes from oral sex, but I never thought about genital herpes from oral sex.

My story is a bit unique. I was fairly smart about being safe. I was on birth control and used condoms when I wasn’t on it. I had been educated about STDs and contracting them. I was having sex with one person, and I knew his sexual history. Where did I go wrong?

The only thing I could have done differently was getting tested with my sexual partner. I had been taught from various commercials to get tested with your partner. I had been tested, but I did not ask for the results his test. I have had unprotected sex with two boyfriends before, not strangers. Clearly, I did not know them as well as I thought I did.

To all sexually active teens and adults, GET TESTED. Obviously, wear condoms if you do not know much about your partner. Do not have oral sex or unprotected sex without getting tested (along with your partner) first. To the parents:  be supportive of your children and make sure they get tested at multiple times in their lives. Yelling at a child for having sex is not effective in preventing STDs or pregnancy.